I don't want to be here!

How can I explain, I was doing great whole weekend. Of course I miss him so much it hurts inside where ever I am. I did not see this one comming.

I have a christmastree that is wonderful, but the candles are too few. That is disappontment number one. Then I bought a prepaid-card to keep track of what I call for, that didn't work, so now I have two that doesn't work! That is dieappontment number two...

And that was apparently everything it took to bring me down! It doesn't matter that I can call with my other phone, and it doesn't help that I now have more candles to put up. I am down and I miss him so much!

I need to talk to him, but he doesn't pick his phone. Other times I don't mind, but right now I know that hearing his voise makes me happy, even though it only made it worse earlier today...but I have to believe that it will be alright.

But also, it is healthy to cry, I haven't been crying that much since he left. And why save the pain inside to another day, when I can cry it out right now. The pain will still come back, but maybe it is still better to let the pain out little by little instead of saving it until it breaks me down!

Still, I don't want to be here. I try to keep myself busy, but I don't even seem to want to do anything, because it doesn't help anyway...

Anybody have a plainticket to Nigeria? I could leave today!